Key West has long provided a safe haven for progressive expression—particularly freedoms of sexuality. And if you live on the island long enough, odds are you’ve either been invited to (whether you knew it or not) or brushed up against the “swinger” culture. But the gestures and signals of swingers can be downright confusing and oftentimes embarrassing for everyone involved. Always here to help: here are 10 ways to determine whether you’re the clueless member in a circle of friends who are swapping much more than power tools.
Top 10 Signs You Are Unwittingly Hanging Out With Swingers
1. You are the only one wearing pants at Bob’s birthday party.
2. You just figured Susan’s husband was “very European” every time he greets you with a French kiss.
3. You thought everyone placing their keys in a bowl was a very responsible way to avoid driving drunk for the night.
4. At 9 p.m., it’s you and 12 people in the pool. At 10 p.m., it’s just you and a very engaged naked couple left in the pool.
5. All of your friends have hot tubs. A swinger without a hot tub is like a hipster without skinny jeans.
6. You’re invited on a couples date at the Best Western. Room 202.
7. Your buddy’s house is littered with garden gnomes, pineapple decor and/or pink flamingos. Don’t ask us … apparently it’s a swinger thing.
8. All of your group vacations are booked at a place called Hedonism II during “Swap Week.”
9. Your neighbor casually returns your leaf blower, a casserole bowl and your wife’s underwear.
10. You get invited to play a very creative variation of duck-duck-goose at the Olson house.