Let’s see, we’ve spent nearly a year worrying about money, staring at screens, devouring social media and arguing politics with people we thought we knew.
By all means, let’s plan a holiday gathering with those people, bake cookies and buy them gifts. This oughta be good. before you lace your Christmas cookies with extra greenery (legal or not), perhaps consider some expert advice for surviving the season.
Our family lost jobs and income to the COVID pandemic. How do I prepare my kids for a ‘lean’ Christmas?
Have age-appropriate conversations with your kids in the weeks leading up to Christmas, suggests Bonnie Harris, author of “Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids.”
Explain to teens that spending on non-essential items will be tighter this year. Younger children should know the whole world — even Santa and the elves — have had to cut back, and all families have to help out so every kid gets something for Christmas.
Parenting coach Sarah Hamaker reminds parents that Christmas is about more than what’s under the tree. Don’t overemphasize gifts with constant conversations about “things” others received, she says. But let your kids make their usual wish lists, says Brenda Nixon, parenting speaker and author. As the holidays approach, have them write down why their top four or five items are important to them.
Don’t lead them on, Harris says. Let kids know a coveted item may not be under the tree. If they’re disappointed Christmas morning, reassure them that it’s normal by saying something like, “I know you didn’t get what you wanted and I don’t blame you for being upset.”
This is my first Christmas in the Keys. I’m single and haven’t yet found a “family” of close friends to share the holidays. I’m not comfortable with — and can’t afford — air travel due to COVID. Any suggestions?
Your first Christmas in the Keys can be tough; we get that. You’re asking yourself, “What are these people thinking? It’s 80 freakin’ degrees. This isn’t Christmas.” We’ve all been there, but trust us. This is a great place to spend the holidays because you’ll only be alone if you choose to be. While most towns close up shop on Christmas Eve and/or Christmas Day, we’re a tourist destination. Plenty of our bars, restaurants and attractions are open and filled with holiday cheer — as long as you’re not stingy with yours. (No one likes the surly drunk crying in his eggnog, telling everyone Christmas is supposed to be cold.)
Use FaceTime or Zoom to join treasured family traditions remotely. Then get dressed and head to a local hangout for some in-person comfort, joy — and ice cold holiday spirits. Or take the more wholesome route and find a place to volunteer. (Of course, it’s more meaningful if you do this more than one day a year, but you’ve gotta start somewhere.) We promise you’ll find plenty of people in the same boat as yourself. And who knows? By next year, some of them may be members of your new Florida Keys “family.”
My ex and I are recently divorced with young children. How do we decide, divide or share the Christmas holidays? Above all, what’s best for the kids?
First and foremost, never make a child choose one parent or one house over another.
The holidays are all about your kids, not you, says Robert Emery, Ph.D, professor of psychology and director of the Center for Children, Families, and the Law at the University of Virginia.
“Our children deserve their celebrations even if you feel cheated out of yours. The holidays are not a competition with your ex or for your children. Encourage them to have a blast with their other parent, even if you can’t stand the prospect of being alone,” Emery writes in Psychology Today. Your happiness isn’t their responsibility. Don’t burden kids with the devastating guilt of hurting one parent by loving the other; of causing sadness in one house by being happy in the other. Assure them that if they’re happy, you’re happy, wherever they are.
Emery also advises parents to make a plan in advance of the holidays to avoid duplicate gifts or back-to-back feasts. It’ll also give kids the security of knowing where they’ll be and when.
My husband and I are in our 70s with health concerns and we’re terrified that one of us could be hospitalized with COVID while the other is kept away. After much deliberation, we’ve decided not to host our usual family holiday reunions this year. How do we tell our adult children and teen-aged grandchildren?
You tell them exactly what you just told us. Your kids and grandkids should be thankful their parents are protecting themselves and each other. They’ll understand and they’ll be just fine. Schedule a Zoom call on Thanksgiving Day — and have the traditional, but virtual, meltdown when “the turkey popper still hasn’t popped. I don’t know when the damn thing will be ready!”
And if your kids are jerks about anything, cut ‘em out of the will.
Holidays? Are you kidding? We have no money, can’t travel and haven’t bought a single gift. Christmas is a big deal in our house. How do I pull it off this year?
Step 1: Breathe. Step 2: Repeat. Step 3: Lower your expectations. Seriously. That’s not just us being flip; it’s what the experts suggest. Expecting perfection is setting yourself up for disappointment. Humans are a messy bunch, physically and emotionally. We spill drinks and strew shoes. We get drunk and overshare. Uncles pick political fights on Christmas Eve and grandmothers wonder aloud why someone is still single. Kids fight, feelings get hurt and rolls get burned. And it’s all OK. Anyone who makes their life right now look perfect on Instagram is both lying and Photoshopping. Think about it. No one posts their meltdowns on social media. Appreciate your time together, let your kids know you love them unconditionally and you’ll have achieved a perfect — or a good enough — holiday.
