Thank heavens things have changed

By Hays Blinckmann and Sarah Thomas

We came across a historical artifact: The “Good Wife’s Guide,” rumored to have been published in the May 13, 1955 issue of Housekeeping Monthly. It offers advice on how to groom, behave, and treat your man for the best results in the house. When we look at statistics of the ruling class in American society—only 5% of Fortune 500 company CEOs are women—we fear the folks at Housekeeping Monthly may have been a little too successful. The good news? In 2015 the U.S. Supreme Court struck down state bans on same-sex marriage, and there are more women in Congress than ever.

We at the Weekly had a little fun and a lot of wine editing the well-intended advice of yesteryear to better reflect our realities as working women in the Keys. Any time we find ourselves cursing the age of social media, remember what’s in the rearview mirror, ladies.

Have dinner ready reservations or take out. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his your return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him food and are concerned about his needs eating. Most men humans with stomachs are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.

Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest make yourself a martini so youíll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair Do 15 minutes of yoga or scream into a paper bag to be fresh-looking. He has You have just been with a lot of work-weary people.

Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him fun. Exploring your sexuality isnít just for college. His Your boring day sex life may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it attend to your own needs.

Clear away the clutter in the kitchen so that he can make you dinner. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.

Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper etc. and then run a dustcloth over the tables. HAHAHA.

Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by move to the sunny Florida Keys. Your husband whatever will feel he or she has reached a heaven of rest and disorder, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort to your seasonal depression will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces, comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes open the back door. They are little treasures kids and he would like to see them should be playing the part. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet children.

Be happy to see him or her.

Greet him people with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him humanity.

Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him or her. but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first-remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours. So tell them!

Make the evening his awesome. Never complain if she comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax. put on your favorite Netflix, grab a bottle of wine, and rejoice in the glory of your own company. 

Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace order and tranequilequality where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit you can do absolutely whatever the %!?#@ you want.

Donít greet him with stifle legitimate complaints and problems.

Don’t complain if she’s late home for dinner or even if she stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day. Tomorrow night: it’s your turn!

Make him yourself comfortable. Have him Lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

Arrange his or her pillow and offer to take off his or her shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice when it’s after 1 a.m. and you and your partner are in the kitchen eating the leftover pizza you ordered for the kids and the babysitter.

Don’t ask him or her questions about his their actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him. Because you will be next!

A good wife always knows her place. Equal to him or her.

Hays Blinckmann is an oil painter, author of the novel “In The Salt,” lover of all things German including husband, children and Bundesliga. She spends her free time developing a font for sarcasm, testing foreign wines and failing miserably at home cooking.