The Do’s & Don’ts of Mother’s Day

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Aaaahh, Mother’s Day, a day that can be full of joy and surprise or fraught with expectation and disappointment. If you are a mom you know there are Vegas odds that it can go either way, from the best day ever to “meh.” So to help out you poor dads and children fretting over the big day, here is the Weekly’s Top List of Do’s and Don’ts for Mother’s Day.
—Weekly Staff report

Do:

Do first thing in the morning sneak out of the bedroom, shut door quietly, and put sleepy kids immediately in front of TV or iPad and make coffee, QUIETLY, and remain perfectly still until she awakens.

Do allow her to watch television uninterrupted. Yep, one solid hour without “Mo-om (two syllables), “did you know there is a planet called Uranus?”

Do load and unload the dishwasher (both), fold clean laundry (check the dryer) and vacuum (it’s in the side closet). Enough said. And under no circumstances ask where anything belongs; how long have you lived there?

Do have homemade crafts on hand from the kids; but not you, no, you husbands and dads must have mimosas and flowers on hand.

Do stop random strangers, or semi-familiar acquaintances, and extravagantly praise your mom/wife in loud tones. “My wife makes the best spaghetti! She remembers to schedule oil changes! She is the best thing that ever happened to me! I would be dead without her!”

Don’t

Don’t plan a brunch that includes children under the age of 8. Really, it’s equivalent to taking howler monkeys shopping at Tiffany’s. It’s any mom’s worst nightmare.

Don’t at any point lie down on the bed or couch, turn on sports and pretend the Mother’s Day is over after breakfast at 9:15 a.m. The next eight hours will not go well.

Don’t leave the bathroom without loo paper. Just this one day, unhitch the thingy and put on a new roll. Hint: found under the sink or side closet and do not put on upside down please. You can do it, she believes in you.

Don’t give her candy for Mother’s Day if she’s on a diet. Or, maybe you should. You know best, but approach this situation with extreme caution and be ready to beat a FAST retreat if things head south.

Don’t hand her the phone with your mother on it. Nope, like sticking two Colombian drug cartel leaders in the same room. No, the glare will incinerate you on the spot.

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