Valentine's Day - Valentine's Day Card

10. Chocolate? I’m diabetic, a$#hole.

9. I’m interested, but you need to get yourself tested.

8. My herpes is not contagious. But my love is.

7. It’s not me, it’s you.

6. You’re my Yanny. I mean Laurel.

5. Have you ever ridden in the back of a white utility van? Do you want to?

4. I am so glad I tricked you into loving me.

3. Any picture of a moose, deer or longhorn with the word “horny” on the card.

2. Is Netflix and Chill still a thing?

1. Nancy Pelosi is opening an investigation … into how much I love you!!!

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