10. Chocolate? I’m diabetic, a$#hole.
9. I’m interested, but you need to get yourself tested.
8. My herpes is not contagious. But my love is.
7. It’s not me, it’s you.
6. You’re my Yanny. I mean Laurel.
5. Have you ever ridden in the back of a white utility van? Do you want to?
4. I am so glad I tricked you into loving me.
3. Any picture of a moose, deer or longhorn with the word “horny” on the card.
2. Is Netflix and Chill still a thing?
1. Nancy Pelosi is opening an investigation … into how much I love you!!!