BREAKING NEWS: TOP 10 TAKEAWAYS FROM SUPER BOWL LV

Sunday’s Super Bowl LV was tough to watch for Chiefs fans, who kept waiting for the team’s third-quarter magic to kick in….any minute now. Uh oh, this is getting serious. Another flag? No touchdowns? Ouch. We bring you the…

Top 10 Takeaways from Super Bowl LV

10. The Weeknd is cool, but his performance made us feel as if we’d eaten two dozen raw oysters just before riding Space Mountain.

9. It has been confirmed. In a former life, Tom Brady was a saint who sacrificed his life to rescue all 100 orphans and 50 puppies from a burning building, but not before donating a secret fortune to battle world hunger. 

8. Tom Brady-led football teams seemingly always end up on the right side of calls and penalty flags.

7. Gronk is that guy from your fraternity who always counted how many beers he drank by yelling out the number as he finished the last sip and crushed the can against his head. 

6. “It’s like milk, but made for humans. It’s like milk, but made for humans. Wow. Wow. No Cow. No, no, no. Wow. Wow. No cow. No, no, no. Wow. Wow.”  We can’t make this shit up. Those are the actual lyrics from Oatly’s commercial — the Swedish company that decided to place its chief executive, Toni Petersson, in the middle of a field with a keyboard, while singing the creepiest lyrics of all time. Our reaction? ”Wow. Wow. No cow. No, no, no!”

5. Paramount commercials were weird — and abundant. They made us miss beer and soda commercials. 

4. The streaker who ran onto the field had more total yards than all of the Chiefs’ running backs combined. (Google the epic play-by-play of the streaker. “Pull up your pants, my man!” Not surprisingly, the streaker is a Florida man.)

3. James Brown is a badass who didn’t let corporate restraints stop him from calling out the NFL’s “pitiful hiring practices” just before the Super Bowl.

2. Daniel Levy got two wins. On Saturday, his mother trolled some bullies just before her son hosted Saturday Night Live. And on Super Bowl Sunday, Levy and M&Ms put together the best commercial of the night. (See Levy’s mom’s tweet below). 

1. Nothing caps off the pinnacle of your career more than playing in front of 45,000 cardboard cutouts. Crazy as it sounds, those cardboard cutouts still made more noise than New England Patriots fans this year. 

* Dan Levy’s mother, Deborah Divine, posted the following comment on social media just before her son hosted Saturday Night Live: “This goes out to the bully punks at Camp WTF who made life miserable for a certain cabin-mate back in the summer of ‘96 — just because he was different. Well, after all these years, I have just 7 words to say to you — ‘Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night!’” 

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