a person pumping gas into a car at a gas station

As economists and consumers await the anticipated spike in gas prices given the United States’

recent sanctions against Russian oil imports, we in Key West are a little more cynical and jaded about high prices at the pump, mainly because we’ve always paid more than most. 

This week, we bring you…

Top 10 reasons Key West doesn’t feel gas hikes at the pump… 

10. We already paid record-breaking numbers for the past century. So this is nothing new. 

9. Some are still too focused on the price of lumber to care about the price of gas (most of them have never bought lumber). 

8. My scooter runs on a battery — and over people who dare walk on “my sidewalk.”

7. My martini still costs more than five gallons of gas.

6. My $90,000 SUV gets two miles to the gallon. But I drive it five miles every month. 

5. I don’t care how much gas costs in Key West. Although I vote in Key West, I only live here three weeks out of the year. 

4. I’ve been drilling my own oil on Rockland Key for the past five years. 

3. I don’t buy gas, because I’m better than you. I thought my Tesla said that for me. 

2. I make six figures annually on one illegal vacation rental. Why do I give a shit how much gas costs? 

1. Look, if a guy in red running shorts can carry a massive American flag around for 30 miles every day, I guess I can walk a little more, too.