Well, here we are. The most notoriously difficult dinner to navigate of the entire year. Football, appetizers and perusal of Black Friday ads can only serve as distractions for so long before you and your loved ones sit down at the table for at least an hour of “conversation.” Always here to help, we present our…
TOP 10 WAYS TO RUIN THANKSGIVING DINNER
10. Serve your famous medium-rare, fried turkey – ”crispy on the outside, cold and juicy in the middle.”
9. After dinner, ask everyone if they could taste the psilocybin in the giblet gravy.
8. Thank everyone for being with you, because you have a lot of thoughts on immigration, abortion and the Middle East.
7. Start putting up Christmas decorations immediately after lunch.
6. After excusing yourself to the bathroom, return to the table and loudly ask, “How strong is the plumbing in this house?”
5. Leave early (without cleaning up) to get a head start on Thanksgiving-night sales at Walmart.
4. Act surprised when you’re the only one not wearing pants at the table.
3. Angrily explain how you can’t get behind Thanksgiving because of those immigrants who helped out the Pilgrims.
2. Keep interrupting dinner conversations to update everyone on your fantasy football teams.
1. Randomly keep bringing up P Diddy in conversations as you adamantly play devil’s advocate for the scrutinized rapper.
