Not only is the Best of Marathon awards show a celebration of community spirit and ingenuity, it’s also a time to gather friends and neighbors for some fun and humor. While elected officials and dignitaries take the brunt of the verbal abuse “jokes” at the Best of Marathon, we save some for the everyday residents, too. If none of these applies to you, do you even actually live here?
TOP 10 SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE FROM MARATHON…
10. You currently owe the city $3,200 in unpaid Sombrero Beach parking fines. (Leslie Christensen … you know what we’re talking about.)
9. Your online dating profile states “No pending resource violations.”
8. You received $3,200 in building permit refunds from the city of Marathon, but have never once pulled a permit.
7. You say you want a roller rink at the old K-Mart, but you haven’t exercised since Hurricane Wilma.
6. You hate vacation rentals, except for the five you own and illegally rent to “friends and family.”
5. Two weeks before Travis Pastrana jumped the Boot Key Bridge in a souped-up Subaru, you and Cheddar did it in an ’03 Kia Sorento.
4. You believe with all your heart that hydroxychloroquine is the cure for coral bleaching.
3. You think America needs to build a wall, but your family’s nest egg was created by smuggling marijuana and cocaine through Sisters Creek.
2. You have tried canceling your Marathon Weekly subscription 183 times, but they keep throwing the damn thing in your driveway
1. You don’t give a…
