Last week the Florida Keys was the setting of a protest against circumcision — yes, circumcision. The Keys Weekly broke the “cutting edge” story, which garnered widespread views and comments on our social pages, questioning many elements of the protest — including the organizers’ choice of venue. But it goes to show that America loves a good protest and these days citizens break out the poster boards and costumes for just about anything or anyone. But are the Florida Keys the best place to host your protest? Always here to help….

Top 10 Reasons Your Protest Won’t Work in the Florida Keys

10. All the old hippies who would normally care have sold their homes and moved to Costa Rica or Ocala. 

9.  Keys residents are too busy bitching about vacation rentals to care about anything else right now. 

8. The cause has nothing to do with real estate, fishing or drinking. 

7. The organizers use Tik Tok. The Keys still operate on Facebook or the dark web. 

6. “If it doesn’t affect the price of Tito’s, it doesn’t affect me.” 

5.  Most residents in the Keys are too busy actively protesting a dozen other things on social media to give a shit about your protest.

4. Protests require dedicated staffing, planning and affordable lodging. ’Nuff said. 

3. There is no real TDC data that the movement will actually “put heads in beds.”

2. Your protest doesn’t include a silent auction, cash bar, goodie bags or commemorative T-shirt.

1. Your protest conflicts with happy hour.