Top 15 Things NOT to do at the sandbar

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It’s the season of sandbar. You go. Your friends go. Your family goes. There are unspoken rules. For example, no one should have to tell you, “Don’t bring a stem wineglass to the sand bar.” Sadly, a few do. As a public service, the Keys Weekly offers up a few more “don’ts.”

  1. Loudly announce how much you paid for your boat. 1a. Loudly announce you are from Miami (usually comes right after No. 1)
  2. Take your cell phone anywhere near the water. This never ends well.
  3. Wear your best pair of sunglasses. This never ends well.
  4. Invite your sponsor from AA.
  5. Be “that guy” on the Jet Ski.
  6. Bitch about the wifi.
  7. Tell everyone around you in the water how bad you had to pee … 3 seconds ago.
  8. No matter how many “sodas” you’ve had, it’s never a good idea to break out the flare gun.
  9. Show up with nothing more than a pack of rolling papers, a can of Pringles and an empty beer koozie.
  10. Discuss politics, religion or hurricanes.
  11. Spearfish.
  12. Speedos. Enough said.
  13. The first rule of the sandbar is you don’t give sandbar coordinates to tourists.
  14. The second rule of the sandbar is YOU DO NOT GIVE SANDBAR COORDINATES TO TOURISTS!
  15. The third rule of the sandbar is if anyone yells stop, goes limp, taps out, the sandbar is over!

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