Ah, the holidays … the most wonderful time of year, and the most awkward time of the year. Looking back on dysfunctional Thanksgivings of the past, we at the Weekly decided to help out families of the Keys with some guidelines. Bring your tacky sweater and your signature stuffing, but at all costs avoid the following:
- A date with their 1 day AA chip.
- A MAGA hat/I’m with Her shirt. Wasn’t the rest of November enough?
- Side dishes that involve Jell-O and/or marshmallows.
- Anything you hit with your car the previous weekend.
- Your pet iguana Darlene.
- The “cult classic” underground mix tape from your college deejay years.
- A family handout of your emotional triggers
- Your horsehead mask. Uncle Walter already had one stroke this year.
- A list of things you’re thankful for (especially applies to smug newlyweds and the wealthy).
- Your teenage girlfriend.
