Top Ways to Get Out Of Jury Duty

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“So then, I was running down Truman Avenue screaming ‘Liberty and Justice for all.’”

Dreaded jury duty. When that envelope arrives in the mail, one’s imagination can kick into high gear on how to get out of it. Not that as a good American you don’t want to fulfill your civic duty, but hey, listening to lawyer-speak and deciding someone else’s fate doesn’t sound like a helluva lot of fun. So here are some clever ways to deter being the chosen one.

  1. Go to the Yacht Club for dinner.
  2. Wear your Fantasy Fest costume.
  3. Use the word “Draconian” or “Machiavellian” inappropriately.
  4. Play the Meow game. “I don’t believe marijuana, meow, should be illegal, meow.”
  5. Ask if Elle Woods or Matthew McConaughey will be trying the case.
  6. When asked your occupation, answer, “You can’t handle the truth!”
  7. Do Holly Elomina’s laundry, grocery shopping and let her beat you at poker, repeatedly.
  8. Say you are getting over the Norovirus, but it’s okay, you can handle it.
  9. Answer every question with a question. “How old are you?” “How old do I look?”
  10. Bring a support animal like a goldfish or guinea pig named Mr. Snappy.
  11. Bring some reading material – any Little Golden Book or “Mein Kampf” should do it.
  12. Arrive sporting a “Robert Lockwood for Public Defender” T-shirt.

 

 

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