Dreaded jury duty. When that envelope arrives in the mail, one’s imagination can kick into high gear on how to get out of it. Not that as a good American you don’t want to fulfill your civic duty, but hey, listening to lawyer-speak and deciding someone else’s fate doesn’t sound like a helluva lot of fun. So here are some clever ways to deter being the chosen one.
- Go to the Yacht Club for dinner.
- Wear your Fantasy Fest costume.
- Use the word “Draconian” or “Machiavellian” inappropriately.
- Play the Meow game. “I don’t believe marijuana, meow, should be illegal, meow.”
- Ask if Elle Woods or Matthew McConaughey will be trying the case.
- When asked your occupation, answer, “You can’t handle the truth!”
- Do Holly Elomina’s laundry, grocery shopping and let her beat you at poker, repeatedly.
- Say you are getting over the Norovirus, but it’s okay, you can handle it.
- Answer every question with a question. “How old are you?” “How old do I look?”
- Bring a support animal like a goldfish or guinea pig named Mr. Snappy.
- Bring some reading material – any Little Golden Book or “Mein Kampf” should do it.
- Arrive sporting a “Robert Lockwood for Public Defender” T-shirt.