I think my favorite sports team names come from weird places. Of most recent high visibility are the New York Knicks, an abridgment from when they were called the New York Knickerbockers, a name derived from the below-the-knee trousers worn by Dutch settlers in the 1600s, girls who were fans of Pat Benatar in the 1980s (at least in my high school), and contemporary golfers who’ve made unfortunate fashion choices.
I could go on about teams named after regional industries, elected positions, natural disasters, geographical features, even hosiery. But this is a column about wildlife, so I’ll try to stay in my lane and focus on teams named after animals, mostly birds.
All this in service of getting to what I believe to be one of the greatest naming omissions in all of sportsdom.
I love the fact that in the NHL, the league with the most face-punching, the two teams named after birds – the Pittsburgh Penguins and the Anaheim Ducks – chose birds that are not particularly aggressive to other species and generally considered cute. The bird geek in me cries out to know exactly which species of ducks and penguins we’re talking about, but it is sometimes best to tamp down that voice.
I don’t think the Nashville Predators count as a bird name, because while some birds are predators, so are some mammals, fish, reptiles, insects and, well, humans. (Did they not focus-group the name?)
I briefly considered including the Chicago Blackhawks as an avifauna-based moniker, something that could be slightly irksome to birders, as the common black hawk has never been reported north or east of Kansas. But it turns out, the team is named after a World War I U.S. Army division, which in turn was named after a famed Sauk chief named Black Hawk who fought with the British against nascent America. (There is a whole well of controversy with the name, and especially the logo.)
Major League baseball teams named after birds skew more handsome and brightly colored than cute – Toronto Blue Jays, St. Louis Cardinals, Baltimore Orioles. All three songbird species are generally peaceful unless provoked by a predator or an intruding member of their species. They will get aggressive should the need arise.
The NFL, of course, has the most outwardly aggressive bird names – Philadelphia Eagles, Atlanta Falcons, Seattle Seahawks, families of birds that survive solely by hunting. The one outlier would be the Baltimore Ravens, named for birds known more for their smarts, their ability to quoth, and for the perceived gothic sensibilities projected on them by humans.
Interestingly, Major League Soccer doesn’t have any teams named after animals, though respect to Inter Miami CF for having pink versions of Great White Herons in their crest.
I went down this sports-related, bird-inspired rabbit hole after walking my dog through Truman Waterfront Park the other day. A gray kingbird was following from tree to tree behind us, occasionally swooping down at high speed and trying to bite June in the butt. If she had noticed, she might have spooked a bit, as she is not the bravest of dogs. But she seemed happily oblivious to the whole thing, just delighted to be walking somewhere with so many things to smell.
It was not such a nonchalant experience when this had happened with June’s predecessor, Elly, who was a little more keen to the wildlife around her. I once had her trotting along next to my bike. As we passed the tennis courts in Bayview Park a gray kingbird came in and poked her pretty good on her right flank, inspiring her to bolt and subsequently tow me and the bike behind her. The brakes on that bike weren’t the best, and I had to drag my flip flops on the pavement for quite a few yards to keep us from running into traffic.
Gray kingbirds are tyrant flycatchers, members of the Tyrannus genus. It is a title they’ve held since they were first described to science in 1788. They are one of eight or nine Tyrannus species that occur regularly in North America, though their two main counterparts, behavior-wise, are the eastern kingbird and the western kingbird.
Western kingbirds are rarities in the Keys. Eastern kingbirds migrate through in the spring and fall. But gray kingbirds breed here. Florida is the north end of their breeding range, which extends down through Cuba, Jamaica and Hispaniola.
I’m not saying there’s one on every block in Key West, but if you walk five blocks and don’t see one, you’re not paying attention.
Collectively, the natural histories and inclinations of all three kingbird species read like a crime blotter.
Kingbirds have a long history of attacking dogs, something mentioned in most species accounts. But they will also attack humans should they not like the cut of their jib or the shine of their bald head.
Mostly they attack other birds, interlopers into their territories, those they view as competitive threats to their seasonal relationship with their mate, and birds they see as risks to the wellbeing of themselves or their offspring.
It is not hard to find a photo of any of the three species riding hawks or eagles like surfboards, pecking at them, biting them, plucking the feathers from the top of their head. Accounts from the 1950s describe them going after low-flying airplanes.
Just before starting this column I watched a video of a gray kingbird going after a drone in Puerto Rico. I also saw a series of photos showing an eastern kingbird trying to drown another eastern kingbird in a pond.
If you want aggression, tenacity and a penchant for violence, kingbirds are your bird. They have the physical grace, visual acuity and aerobatic dexterity to zip around and pull mosquitos and other larger insects out of a clear blue sky.
Other birds will aggressively try to protect what they consider to be theirs, but few can match the kingbirds in terms of sheer orneriness.
Ounce for ounce, they are among the most formidable and terrifying creatures on the planet.
So why can’t I find any sports team – amateur, high school, college, beer league, professional – called the Kingbirds?
I researched heavily, Googling for a solid 20 minutes, the word “kingbird” attached to the words sports, football, basketball, hockey, soccer, gymnastics and ultimate frisbee. I found nothing.
There is a major opportunity here and I am willing to consult with any up-and-coming, yet-to-be named sports franchise on this. Assuming they can afford my fee.
