For most musicians, a few types of shows carry more weight than others. By this I mean the scope of the job is a bit wider than normal. In my mind there are three that stand out: Weddings, funerals/celebrations of life and fundraising benefits.
Playing a wedding brings an interesting set of responsibilities. You are setting the scene and providing the soundtrack for precious, once-in-a-lifetime (at least in theory) memories of one of a family’s most anticipated days. Not only that, the entire family is there — cousins, nephews, aunts, uncles, grandparents and great grandparents — representing a vast difference in musical preferences. It is a musician’s job to analyze these parameters and adjust accordingly. A broad repertoire is required, as is the knowledge of the flow of the audience. Everyone is there at the start to offer congratulations. Eventually, the older folks head out, leaving that group of middle-aged folks ready to show the bartenders at the now-cash bar how real people party. After their Uber drivers locate them and they depart, all that is left is the group of younger people who stayed too late and now are just gonna hang until they’re told to leave. Such is the night until you can pack up and head home.
Funerals and celebrations of life are sensitive situations. Each one is different. Sometimes you’re asked to play a particular song, and the emotions that fill the room are often unforgettable. Sometimes these are sad affairs and the music is reflective of that mood, but not lost in it while people stretch even in those dark moments for peace and hope. Musicians are expected to add to the feel of the room and not attempt to direct it. And some celebrations are just that — celebration of a life well lived, not the death that marked the end of it.
Many times there’s a flow to these events as well and they begin somber, but often end on a more hopeful note.
Benefits are interesting in that you don’t always know the beneficiary. Often the events are in support of an organization or victims of a distant disaster. But those held for friends strike home the hardest and are an attempt to ease the burden of some tragedy that’s befallen someone we know and/or love. A musician often plays benefits for a simple reason that has never failed mankind: Gratitude. Individually we are a lot of things, but collectively we’re a grateful bunch. Most of us who have chosen music as our means of traversing this world feel lucky beyond words to be able to do what we do, and when someone is denied that pleasure, we often feel a bit of a responsibility to share for free that which has given us so much — music.
