“What? Did he really say that?” “You have got to be kidding me! Did she really do that?” “No way, did you see that post? What a jerk!”
Any of these statements sound familiar? How do they make you feel?
We all deal with situations and people daily, and more often than not, what someone else says or does may trigger us and not make us feel good.
What do you think of when you hear the word “trigger?” A trigger can be anything from a word, statement, person, situation or event that causes most commonly a negative emotional response or feeling.
However, triggers can be positive as they can help you bust through mindset blocks, shift energy or help you take action. It may be tough to do, but the outcome can be priceless.
I wrote about reframing and triggers in Chapter 6 of “Confidence Mastery for Couples – Roadmap to a More Intimate Relationship.”
The chapter states – “When you start to discuss triggers from an open and honest place, you can move forward. Triggers can be embarrassing for some people. Let’s face it, envy, which is a huge trigger, isn’t something folks openly admit to. Who comes out and says, ‘I am jealous of my neighbor’s cars’ and makes it a discussion.”
I have learned over the years to focus more and more on the positive aspect of overcoming a trigger. A trigger is meant to “wake you up” so you can grow and become the best possible person you are meant to be.
Recognizing it at first can be yucky, embarrassing, even shameful. But when you overcome the trigger and move past it, the same situation may not bother you the next time. What a huge win to not have the same situation bother you next time. In our household, we get to a place where we can laugh it off and make light of it. Over time, being able to “shake it off,” as Taylor Swift says, will lead you to feel accomplished, which helps build your confidence.
I speak, podcast and often write about “The Bucket Tool,” which breaks down the severity of whatever is transpiring and helps you move through to the next step. Along the path, you can also determine what caused the trigger, so you bust it.
I used it a few days ago when dealing with a situation with my neighbor. I decided to fix something, which took five minutes, made me feel better, and I know karma will be in my favor.
Here is The Bucket Tool breakdown:
Visualize three buckets: Bucket 1 is virtually a no-change bucket. You are not going to do anything. The trigger will pass, and you will be OK.
Bucket 2 is moderate change. It would help if you took some action to move through this. Bucket 3 is a severe change. It would help if you took a lot of action to move through this. The action involved can be one or a combination of further tools. But in this example, taking the steps above to recognize where you are is a crucial move forward.
Building confidence step by step is the key to success. Every daily step you take, whether it be overcoming a trigger or taking action on something that makes you uncomfortable, you must celebrate and remember it’s a daily process. I know if I can figure it out and get better, you can too.