So you haven’t paid that much attention to your behavior this year because you’re not really sure you believe all that stuff about the big man and his sleigh? You’re not too worried about what presents you’re going to get for Christmas? Well, if you want to be absolutely certain how things will go, here are:

Top 10 ways to get yourself on Santa’s naughty list

10. Rent a barge, put a backhoe on it, find an island and scrape it bare.

9. Let everyone on social media know how much you love and appreciate cruise ships.

8. Sew your uncle’s face to the carpet. 

7. Let everyone on social media know how much you hate and despise cruise ships.

6. Re-introduce screwworm to the Florida Keys.

5. Steal the drain plug from the boat at the vacation rental across from your house.

4. Use Paycheck Protection Program (PPP) funds to purchase a 35-foot Contender for the sole purpose of human trafficking so you can staff your restaurant.

3.  Drive a slow-moving, oversized vehicle through Islamorada on a Saturday.

2.  Instead of milk and cookies, leave Santa quinoa and soda water.

  1. Use your political party’s base to get you elected to an office you have no business holding.

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