Survival Tips for the Keys Zombie Apocalypse

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  1. If you must kill a zombie, kill it with kindness. The irony will make it easier for everyone.
  2. Sexy zombies drink free!
  3. Learn the difference between a zombie and someone that just got their medical marijuana card.
  4. Zombie apocalypse dream team: a big bottle of Purell and your uncle in the NRA.
  5. Note: Emotional support animals will be eaten and reanimated first in order to provide support for loss of emotional support animal.
  6. You only have to be faster then your “friend” — choose slow ones. Or ones with weaker livers.
  7. When approached by a zombie, try to find common ideas and experiences that will open dialogue and facilitate mutual understanding.
  8. Befriend Greg Sullivan immediately and get protection from Waste Management.
  9. Remember: zombies are afraid of fire and cruise ship passengers waving coupons.
  10. Everybody meet in Key West—The Cow Key Channel Bridge is up for demolition anyway!

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