Daniel Constantine Marino Jr. is an American former professional football player who was a quarterback for seventeen seasons with the Miami Dolphins of the National Football League (NFL).

This Sunday, two storied franchises rich in tradition will compete on football’s biggest stage when the San Francisco 49ers and Kansas City Chiefs take to the field at the Hard Rock Stadium just up the road in Miami. However, those of us in South Florida will continue to wonder why our beloved Miami Dolphins have once again missed the big game. 

10. They traded a top-10 quarterback for a bag of balls and jar of Icy Hot.

9. The impeachment hearings have been a huge distraction for the defensive line.

8. Most of the team’s skill players were drafted from the University of Miami and are awaiting parole.

7. Their front office has the analytical aptitude of a frozen iguana.

6. Because who wants Minkah Fitzpatrick, Kenyan Drake and Ryan Tannehill on the same team anyway?

5. If Marino couldn’t get them there, what chance does a 49-year-old lumberjack give them?

4. The team owner is more concerned about “Keeping America Great” than he is “Making the Dolphins great again.”

3. Because Ray Finkle missed the kick.

2. Their last 10 first-round draft picks are either on other teams or working at Miami Subs.

1. They have been “Building for the future since 1972.”

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