1. Reveal the “Danny Kohlage” tattoo which is scrawled across your shoulders in gangster letters. Or John Bartus. Or Deb Gillis.


  1. Ask the poll workers, “Who’s winning?”


  1. Give the voter next to you a wet willy.


  1. Run full speed into your polling place screaming, “Bees! Bees!”


  1. Bring a sandwich, soda and bag of chips with you into the booth and start chowing down.


  1. Whisper to the person next to you that you are on peyote and need help with selections.


  1. Show up in nothing more than a speedo, swim fins and a snorkel.


  1. Ask the poll worker for the correct spelling of your own name.


  1. After the voter in front of you casts their ballot, exclaim, “Are you f’ing kidding me?”


  1. Instead of your ballot, slide a racing form into the machine.

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