This week, it’s all about the dads — check out our actual fatherly advice on page 28. But we also know dads love to dole out their years of accumulated wisdom, sometimes at random, and whether it’s actually helpful or not remains up for debate. So, we turned to our in-house dads at the Weekly to give you: 

Top Ten Classic Pieces of Dad Advice

10. “I don’t know. Ask your mother.”

9. “When all else fails, play dead.”

8. “Always use a condom.” If YOU did, Dad, I would really miss my younger brother.

7. “Never ask a judge what he is wearing under his skirt.” 

6. “The best way to teach the kid to swim is to let him sink in the deep end. It’s what my dad did to me and my three siblings, and two of us made it out alive.”

5. “Don’t drink and drive. Always sit your beer in the cup holder.”

4. “Make your bed every morning.” (They make me, but it’s only one sheet and a very flat pillow so it’s pretty easy.)

3. Our dad always said laughter is the best medicine. I guess that’s why two of us died of tuberculosis. (joke credit: Jack Handy)

2. “If you aren’t first, you’re last. Second place is always the first to lose.” (joke credit: Sir Ricky Bobby)

1. “Money isn’t everything. But it sure helps out when you’re not happy.”

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