Micky cartoon
“Even HE needs a break from Spring Break.”

It’s easy to scare someone in the Keys. Just look at Facebook rants and anonymous grumblings in the media over sometimes entirely false rumors. Point being, it’s just not that hard to channel someone’s “inner troll.” So The Weekly got a little creative with it. Here are some fun ways to get someone’s goat: Tell them…

  1. Yeti is going out of business.
  2. Ask when the Mariachi band is playing.
  3. Coachella is coming to the Amphitheater.
  4. Rental cars will have free parking in Old Town.
  5. All trees will be replaced with Sabal Palms, Sabal Palms everywhere.
  6. Genetically modified stone crabs.
  7. No more marathons, half marathons or 5Ks — only scooter races.
  8. The term ‘Paradise’ has been trademarked by the Bahamas and is unusable.
  9. HARC is disbanding.
  10. Chris Shultz is selling all of his bars to CVS.
  11. 12 People are running for Key West Mayor … oh wait, that one is real.
  12. FEMA is demanding receipts.
  13. Quincy Perkins has traded his cameras for tight-rope-walking dog.

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