Not only is the Best of Marathon awards show a celebration of community spirit and ingenuity, it is also a time to gather friends and neighbors for some fun and humor. While the elected officials and other dignitaries are the main fodder, the event producers also like to spread the ribbing to others.
Ten Eleven signs you might be from Marathon…
10) Three months after completing construction of your “Florida Keys dream home” you sold it for a net profit of $1 million and now you can’t even afford Ocala, so you’re renting in Tavernier.
9) You are one of the 324 people who nominated the Brass Monkey as the “Best Place to Take the Kids.”
8) You decide whether you’re sober enough to drive the same way you pick your elected officials – with the flip of a coin.
7) Your kid is so good at baseball that he plays for Key West.
6) You are still citing “trauma and stress from Hurricane Wilma” while renewing your medical marijuana card.
5) You use a tickle stick during foreplay.
4) You hired Dave Dipre to sing at your wedding, bar mitzvah or mother’s funeral.
3) Your hiring philosophy is “who needs Zip Recruiter when I’ve got a Customs and Border Patrol facility right across the street?”
2) If you have ever sued the City of Marathon, have a pending lawsuit against the City of Marathon or met with Patrick Stevens just this afternoon about suing the City of Marathon.
1) You have never flown in or out of the Marathon airport.
BONUS: You’ve identified the hidden CRT in your kid’s 6th grade math book, but can’t figure out how to solve those darn word problems.