The 2021 Summer Olympics kick off July 23 with opening ceremonies in Tokyo, Japan. The games were first held in 1896 in Athens, Greece, and were most recently held in 2016 in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. This year’s summer Olympics will take place in the shadow of a global pandemic, but still will allow Japan’s art, traditions, architecture and cultural beauty to shine on the national stage.  So, for Americans watching at home, what could go wrong? We have some ideas. Here are…

Top 10 Bone-headed American Things to Do During the Summer Olympics in Tokyo, Japan  

10. Allow ESPN’s Stephen A. Smith to be anywhere near a broadcast booth (Smith is not a fan of classy Japanese megastars who need interpreters in America … and Smith still has not been suspended by your favorite sports network). 

9. Continuously yell from your barstool that you’re boycotting until they add Mixed Doubles Cornhole. 

8. Explain how you “get” Japanese culture and heritage because of your extensive Pokemon Card collection.

7. Team USA with no LeBron = no gold. 

6. Keep asking everyone at work if they think Daniel LaRusso and Chozen Toguchi will meet in the karate finals.

5. Vocalize your anti-violence initiative by insisting the steel tips on the end of the archery arrows be replaced by suction cups. 

4.  Passionately insist that Jake Angeli, the QAnon Capitol rioter famous for his horns and fur hat, would be the perfect mascot for Team USA.  

3. Casually mention to people that you believe Bill Murray’s karaoke version of Pete Yorn’s “More than This” (in the film “Lost in Translation”) should be the official song for the Tokyo Olympics. 

2. Incite  “socially woke” rants because the swim teams are not wearing masks during competition.

  1. Get in bar arguments over your belief that Speed Racer is the greatest Japanese-born athlete of all time.

If you would like to have the Weekly delivered to your mailbox or inbox along with our daily news blast, please subscribe here.