A massive data breach in Florida Keys government offices may have revealed the Internet search histories from the private accounts of every city and county employee and elected official in Key West and the Florida Keys.
The Trojan Worm Panther Breach, labeled CALUSA626 in metatag data, was first detected by Monroe County’s Administrative Systems Commander April Fuse, who detected the breach during a routine software update, but was unable to stop the attack before personal email accounts and IP addresses of virtually every employee and elected official of Key West and Monroe County were compromised. Fuse was unavailable to comment on the matter, but city sources who asked to remain anonymous claim the county’s DOS 2.0 system likely was infected while installing a widget purchased to stem lawsuits related to the Americans with Disabilities Act.
The cyberattack was discovered at 7:52 a.m on April 1.. By 8:15 a.m., ransomware demands were being emailed to Key West and Monroe County mayors and top administrators with samples of some 10,000 internet searches that shed a true light on the minds that populate our island chain.
Pornography, drug references, and bizarre bathroom habits are expected to be exposed, but as of now, the only searches that have been confirmed relate to inquires about non-fungible tokens, or NFTs.
One anonymous elected official said he was not at all concerned about what might appear in the leaked emails and search history, but was quick to point out that he has allowed his neighbor to access their WiFi network. “I’m sure any investigation would clear my name in this circus,” he said.
Stay tuned to keysweekly.com for the latest on this breaking news story.
UPDATE: We are receiving reports that users reading this story may have been breached and their personal emails and search histories are being posted to local Facebook pages. Please discontinue reading immediately to protect your accounts. If you feel your security may have been compromised please call, 305-555-0401 or email April@fool.com.
