Key West is the consummate Spring Break host. And like it or not, we serve up Jell-O shots and 80-degree rays of sunshine better than anyone else. But it sneaks up on us, between work, kids’ games, parades and fundraisers; somehow the young ones slip in and snatch up our happy-hour seats. Here are your top indicators that Spring Break is upon us.
- There are bikini-clad girls walking through Publix and they don’t work for Corona.
- There’s a guy named Ted, who apparently sees rainbows and unicorns and is trying to ride the iguana in your backyard.
- It sounds like the entire town is playing with squeaky toys; nope, that’s just incessant scooter honking.
- Five Guys looks like a chapter of Beta Alpha Chi.
- Every sentence starts with “When I went on Spring Break, we never …”
- We are visually assaulted by neon, crochet and fringe.
- You realize your mother never said, “Find a guy in a trucker hat, that’s a keeper.”
- You realize you too once had 3-percent body fat. And then depression sets in.
- Local servers have to be restrained after an average tip rate of 4 percent.
- Your front porch is accessorized with a pile of vomit and a sleeping UCF sophomore named Trevor.
